My verdict: 4 out of 5
Cast
Emeka Enyiocha as Tobechukwu Christopher Appiti
Ernest Obi as Obiajulu
Ini Edo as Charity ‘Cha Cha’ Appiti
Funke Akindele as Nkiru Appiti-Obiajulu
Zulu Adigwe as Okongwu Christopher Appiti
Rita Edochie as Ezinne Appiti
Eve Esin as Ifeoma Ezeike-Appiti
Amaechi Muonagor as Ichie Ezeike
Michael Godson as Anayo Richard
Emmanuel Okhakhu as Ichie Ambrose
Director
Ernest Obi
Written by
Ernest Obi
2014 | Drama/Horror/Adventure | 8 Parts | 468mins and 8 secs | Watch Here
So before I start, I asked myself which movie I wanted to talk about first and I searched and searched my head because there are so many to talk about. I asked myself should I go old or new then I resolved by querying myself of the recent movies I have watched which ones did I enjoy the most and the I realised the movies I enjoyed were produced by Onye-Eze as well as written and directed by Ernest Obi. So, in honour of my new favourite director and veteran Nollywood actor and scriptwriter, Mr Ernest Obi, I present to you the movie:
BLOOD IS MONEY
This is a story done in a classic Quentin Tarantino non-linear structure with the end as the beginning. It starts with this fellow named Tobechukwu Appiti (Emeka Enyiocha) who wakes up from a nightmare and to his horror sees some strange fat guy in a huge diaper-nappy hybrid thing with grotesque teeth in his room. Tobe holds on to his bible shouting at him
“what do you want?”
…and the strange fat guy disappears.
Then we see Tobe walking alone on the highway telling us about he once being one of the richest people in the state ever and how his family thought he was the one God had picked in the family for greatness but only he knew the true source of his wealth (there we realise dude dabbled into rituals). So he starts his story about his family although being poor was a very happy and loving family with him as the eldest and only male of three children. His sisters were Nkiru (Funke Akindele) and Charity “Cha Cha” (Ini Edo) while his parents were Okongwu Christopher (Zulu Adigwe) and Ezinne (Rita Edochie).
Now, I have to warn you that this movie was long I mean 8 parts long. I regarded it as a mini-series with eight episodes. Each part continued from the next and it wasn’t trying to be all suspense filled. It was just a guy telling you his story and you sitting down like an amebo to listen and learn.
The film really lacked in translations; ERNEST OBI, I beg you in the name of God provide translations in your movies. I cannot because of a movie carry the Federal Republic of Nigeria into my house to help with translations. It really makes for a disjointed story when you are lost in translation.
So his dad was poor and a perpetual debtor as well as having some sort of a pariah status in Amaeri village. He also had a problem in his relationship as a result his girlfriend, Ifeoma’s (Eve Esin) father (Ezeike played by Amaechi Muonagor), having a deep hatred for his family so much that Ezeike detests the idea of his daughter being close to Tobechukwu. However it is later revealed that Ezeike once asked Ezinne to be his concubine so as for her to be able to bear children for her husband when she was unable to due to the curse placed on his (Okongwu’s) grandfather that descended onto him. The Appiti men were known for two things, their strength as well as poverty.
This is one of the reasons I loved this movie, almost everybody used had a back-story. Most times, parents in movies are just props for the kids a.k.a lead actors to call ‘mama’ and ‘papa’, So it was nice seeing the parents tell their own stories and why the family was where it was. However, I was not happy with the under utilisation of Funke Akindele. Her storyline just revolved around the people in her life. She was Tobe’s adviser, her father and sister’s protector and she was Obiajulu’s (Ernest Obi) loving but unfortunate wife.
So let’s start with the parts;
PART ONE: was basically an introduction of everybody except one person (Obiajulu). We get to know who Tobe is, his sisters and Cha Cha’s useless boyfriend (in her head) / smash buddy (in his head) Anayo Richard (Michael Godson). We see Tobe constantly getting in and out of trouble in conjunction with his sisters also being his biggest cheerleaders. I loved the chemistry this family had, everybody was very in tune with everyone and Emeka has really grown as an actor. His acting in this movie was not forced at all, it was very natural and his chemistry with Eve looked so real. He is the first guy she has acted with that their relationship look real enough instead of some mismatch we are used to seeing
Also we see the ‘nice’ bits of Anayo in part one (because for the remainder of the movie he was a dick) and his horny tendencies of literally begging to get some in the his first scene and most of his scenes in this part. By the way, Michael Godson was also really good in this movie. I will give it to Ernest Obi for bringing out the actor in him. He was so annoying that I almost punched my screen. Funke and Ini were convincingly sisters, their happy times, sad times and fighting times seemed quite real and funny.
So the premise for part one was an introduction to everybody and what their individual personal demons within. However, I was not a fan of those plant bitches (mothers of the earth) that just hovered around the house but practically didn’t do shit or help the family throughout their hardship.
My best scene was when they (Nkiru and Cha Cha) went to meet Ichie Ambrose and gave him the most respectful tongue lashing I have watched in a Nollywood movie.
PART TWO: in this part we realise what a douche of epic proportions Anayo is as he cheats on Chacha with her friend, impregnates her (Chacha) and refuses to accept the pregnancy which she later on aborts. Tobe in this part also tries to marry Ifeoma but fails because Ezeike hates his ‘poverty stricken’ family and we get introduced to a broke ass Obiajulu as well as Tobe’s uncle’s wife (who we discover is hot in the ass).
Oh lest I forget, so many African proverbs were used in the movie. Like for example
what can be done to appease the cricket
the man who has a pact with death knows where his pain is
the wailing of the cricket is only tolerated at night
Also the salutations Tobe and Obiajulu gave each other.
Tobe: The tall masquerade / juju of of Ezenifite.
Obiajulu: the scorpion of Amaeri
Tobe: Ana ma nu
In addition, their friendship looked real enough.
PART THREE: Starts with Chacha’s coma and Tobe returning to the village filled with anger against Anayo and his family from shooting at Ichie Ambrose, to threatening them (Anayo and Ichie Ambrose) with a cutlass, stealing Anayo’s car and crashing it into a tree.
My best quote in this part was:
Ichie Achebe: is that a machete in his hand?
Ichie Ambrose: no, it is an umbrella.
He consequently gets locked up by the police and then we are reintroduced to an extremely wealthy Obiajulu, who uses money to insult Anayo to the point of speechlessness. Obiajulu is also smitten my Nkiru (flirting with her and gives her 50k naira as per bigger boys) which doesn’t really go down well with Tobe but he shows it subtly (by Tobe’s standards).
Tobe: show man, show man, SHOW.MAN
Obiajulu: what?
Tobe: that is my sister
Obiajulu: ah, ah, your sister is my sister. Besides are you going to marry your sister?
Tobe: i will pretend i did not hear that. Oya! finish your fifty thousand naira fufu.
The three plant bitches enter into the house and cause commotion by making Obiajulu sneeze uncontrollably with half of his body turning green but invisible to the naked eye which forces him to rush out of the house (Nkiru wasn’t happy about that, crush nwa ti ti).
PART FOUR: we now know the reason the three plant bitches hover around the house. Ezinne tells a story about Okongwu Christopher Appiti’s grandfather who was cursed and the reason for their childlessness in the beginning of their marriage. So she goes to the evil forest to go commit suicide after Ezeike had insulted her and asked her to become his concubine so as to conceive. In her deep sorrow, she encounters the three plant bitches (mothers of the earth) in their human form as old women who talk in unison. They bless her , however, she had to go the the priestess of Ani to complete the process. The priestess of Ani tells her she would give birth to three children but there would be a condition to it. The first would have to remain in the village till he is thirty (he is 28 in the movie – Emeka too old to dey do twenty gini) then the curse would be broken and the family would become rich and all. On hearing this, Tobe in his usual boisterous self lashes out and makes his mother more upset than she already was. However, later that night he changes his mind and agrees to stay regardless of Obiajulu urging for Tobe to come with him.
Also, Okongwu knocked the fuck out of Ezeike, that Ezeike passed out only to wake up to and ask his daughter, Ifeoma if he was knocked out with a fist or a hammer (hahaha) which shows us where Tobe gets his strength from. However, I will say that punch looked too fake, it was like Zulu was afraid to punch Amaechi. Nevertheless, it was nice to see old Nollywood actors get physical instead of just being some swagger-less papa.
Douche bag Anayo decides to wants to marry the love of Tobe’s life Ifeoma (bad idea). The day of the masquerade dance, was the introduction and knowing how irrational Tobe is; Okongwu, had to go to Ezeike’s house to wad Tobe (in a masquerade costume) off so as not to kill the people at Ezeike’s house. (How Tobe is able to control himself around Ifeoma was a mystery to me because that dude was a walking, talking, breathing killing machine. His temper was shorter than a second…yep very short).
Ifeoma showed some character with her monologue telling him how much of an idiot he (Tobe) is.
PART FIVE: opens with the Priestess of Ani and her wahala again telling them that Tobe’s chi is “extremely restless” and suggests for him to be bound to the soil of Amaeri till he is 30 and they should “bring him to the shrine”. That night, a fed up Tobe chucks up the deuces and bids them sayonara, ain’t nobody’s gonna bind his spirit to nothing. He goes to Obiajulu’s house where some chicks are busy counting dollars and Obiajulu welcomes him and bids him goodbye all at once because he has a business meeting in Abuja and he’d be back in 2 days (yep! you guessed right. It was the beginning of his sojourn to the dark side).
Something I would like to say about Obiajulu is this, Obiajulu was not a bad person. To be honest he is the best friend anybody could ask for because he really took Tobe as brother, took care of him, his family, everything. He even showed him how he made his money. His ways were clearly not the best but as a friend he was amazing. He always made a broke Tobe seem like a god amongst his peers and people who looked down on his family. So if you have watched this movie or want to, do not judge him just based on his path to wealth but his character because he was a very very good friend. Shit! I wish he was my friend… he is the kind of friend you know always has your back 24/7/365, rich or poor.
Back to the movie, so Ifeoma in the village is at odds with her father about marrying douche bag Anayo. Obiajulu takes Tobe to the source of his wealth in some abandoned bush area where there are three extra bitches, new ones called the mothers of the night. They were Ibibio, talk in unison as well and were (human) blood thirsty.
Obiajulu stands in as his patron and takes Tobe through process of the ritual which takes the majority of this part and the part six as well. Tobe is required to do a marathon of rituals (for 2 to 3 months) which included staying in some thatched house looking like some muddied and dirty thing, to being made to eat some grose looking things, to drinking a bloodish looking substance, fucking 2 mad women, to staying locked up in a room in his house (provided by his patron) for a month.
PART SIX: Starts with the (somewhat) traditional wedding between douche bag and Ifeoma, Unfortunately for the douche bag; Ifeoma was already pregnant for the tempestuous Tobe who was in winchy land trying get his juju on. This is the part where Obiajulu gives Tobe as per patron his first house and tells him to stay locked up in a room for about a month. Also in this room, that fat man in a diaper-nappy hybrid thingy appears (we realise he is the baby of the mothers of the night who eats up all the sacrifices).
Another thing I want to add to this film was that women were connoted to hens, every proverb about women were hens, hens and more hens. Like wtf couldn’t we be anything else but chickens?
Obiajulu on his visit to Tobe’s family, goes with foodstuffs, tells them some cock and bull story about Tobe being in London and then Okongwu asks him about his true reason for visiting, to which he confesses that he came to ask for Nkiru’s hand in marriage with Nkiru beaming shame, shy, flirty, happy gbo gbo ti gbo. Obiajulu also goes to Ezeike house to show them what money is about and for the second time belittles Anayo AGAIN. Favourite quotes:
Anayo: what are you doing here?
Obiajulu: i hope you did just not breathe your foul breath on me.
Yes of course, Ezeike dismisses the Anayo as expected because bigger money has arrived at his doorstep.
We later see Obiajulu in Tobe’s house to bring him out of the secret room/altar where he says he has chosen his gift for the three blood thirsty bitches. The gift we later find out was his uncle’s hot in the ass wife who he and the fat man baby diaper-nappy hybrid wearing being, straff both in the physical and in spirit.
PART SEVEN: Opens up with a convoy of cars going into the village. they stop in front of Ifeoma with a boy-boy coming out to tell her his boss wants to see her. She yells at him and tells him to get the fuck away from her. Then, the love of her life Tobe (with shaven bia-bia) comes out, with arms wide open. They drive to his family home.
When he tries to enter his house later in the day the three plant bitches appear (not to the naked eye) and cause him to have a temporary migraine.
He is later told of Obiajulu’s proposal to his sister where he is agitated which cause his parents to worry and think he is hiding something from them. He leaves in anger and goes to Obiajulu to ask him why he wants to kill his sister but Obiajulu swears with his life that Nkiru would never be a gift for the mothers of the night (well, just her not the foetuses). Tobe agrees and Obiajulu marries his sister, he as well marries Ifeoma, in addition buys a coffin for his father-in-law in the name of a car. He goes to his inner chamber claps his hands and is teleported to the blood thirsty three bitches bush with his (Tobe) uncle’s wife bleeding and a rat forced down her throat. She wakes up and tells Tobe’s uncle about her nightmare, he tells her it was just a dream and she keeps saying it wasn’t. So she goes to the bathroom screams and dies with rodents dropping down from her cooch (RIP sister).
Obiajulu and Nkiru are shown in their love nest with him asking for more heh-heh ;). You know she needs to start popping those babies a.k.a foods for his blood thirsty bitches. This scene was slightly cringe-worthy, they talked way too much but the kissing was hot as fire.
PART EIGHT: Douche bag Anayo proposes to Chacha on some village road with her dumb ass saying yes and asking her family to accept her dumb ass choice. Her parents say fuck no, they are not in the business of training mad people while Tobe says yes. Strangely though some spirit possesses douche bag Anayo to behead his uncle Ichie Ambrose (motherfucker had it coming) after which the spirit leaves him and he proceeds to hang himself (it was quite obvious that he was hanged by the chest not neck, lol). I think Tobe was responsible for this because after all douche bag Anayo did to him, and he accepting the douche bag for his sister was all too good to be true.
Nkiru is at home crying about her lost pregnancy to her husband (Obiajulu) who when she hugs him crying the asshole was smiling (like wtf? money must be one hell of a drug). He promises her that they’d have more babies (yeah right, murderer) and she cries saying this is her second pregnancy she has lost. Later that night he offers his deceased foetus to those blood thirsty three bitches and their man-baby appears to go drink up the blood (ugh.. fucking devil).
The priestess of Ani comes with her wahala AGAIN, talking about Tobe treading on a dangerous path, and that Tobe needs to abandon all his wealth and return back to the village and serve the remainder of the covenant till he is thirty which he blatantly refuses to and the three blood thirsty bitches tell him to stay the heck away from from the Priestess of Ani. They also tell him that the season of the witch is approaching and he has to build an altar for the mothers of old which Obiajulu explains to him that he is supposed to build the altar with someone from his bloodline like a family member (father, brother, mother, sister, that typa-sorta thing). He refuses at first but later on makes his choice which we later realise is his father (the man suffered before he died with a swollen, rotten scrotum). Also the moving coffin comes into full effect, Ezeike dies on a journey with the coffin alias car Tobe gave to him. This drives Ifeoma into a forced labour, and Tobe in his father’s house shedding the usual ritualist necessary crocodile tears to give off the innocent vibe.
The last scene between Obiajulu and Tobe in the bush was very good;
Obiajulu: I tried all I could
Tobe: all you did was let my dad suffer like a cursed goat
Obiajulu: why are you complaining, after all the things you’ve gotten small sacrifice you cannot do.
Tobe: you may be comfortable dishing the lives of your family members like five naira sweet but I will not. Let nothing happen to the to my sister.
Obiajulu: you keep forgetting that she is now my wife
Tobe: Obiajulu, a wala m o, don’t try me
Obiajulu: Or what?
Tobe: if you try me you go no like am.
Obiajulu is then seen trying to offer a sacrifice which I suspect was Nkiru but instead ends up as a sacrifice himself (Nigga had it coming). Later on, the three blood thirsty bitches decree that Ezinne must die and Tobe would suffer because he dared to kill the child (Obiajulu) of the black bird. So in the end, we are back to where we started from, Tobe walking on the highway looking for death but he can’t die because the blood thirsty bitches have him in a fix where he can’t die until they say so. He cries and ends up in a church where the pastor comes and takes him away.
Shay it was long ba? My dear, it is almost 9 hours long it is something you watch, go about your day, come back, continue, stop, go about your day. That kind thing.
One question, scratch that; QUESTIONS, Mr. Ernest Obi, if you ever read this, please answer them. Our email is on the about page.
1. what happened to Ifeoma, did she die?
2. what sacrifice was Obiajulu about to give that led to his demise?
3. What happened to Nkiru?
4. Did Ezinne really die?
5. What of the plant bitches, why were they eternally useless?
6. Did Tobe lose his money or it just stopped coming because he refused to give a gift or because he killed Obiajulu.
7. Who was responsible for the evil possession of Anayo; Obiajulu or Tobe? I think it was Tobe but then Obiajulu seemed to be like the kind of friend the helps fight your battles so hence my question.
My first movie talk talk. See y’all laters.
Do you agree with me?