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My verdict: 1.5 out of 5

2015 | Dramedy | Four Parts | 232 mins 29 secs | Watch here

The idea behind this story was good but the translation into a script and into a movie was pitiful. The synopsis (according to Nollywood Pictures TV) read:

Philomena traumatized by her natural influences becomes sadistic and everything around her provokes her. She strives to contend with her life issues, but the dramatic manner of which she intends to achieve that will keep you wondering more about her true character.

Now, that synopsis is rather inadequate because Philomena (Queen Nwokoye) was actually a very good woman, and not everything around her provoked her but those who set out to provoke her. The thing with Philomena is that she is not mouthy at all due to being a stammerer but, she compensates with her strength which she had to work on over the years in order to prevent a repetition of what happened to her earlier on in life. This is also another reason why she had chosen not to get married. However, the main reason she refuses to get married for the majority of the film was because of her wicked father (Chika Anyanwu), who makes you question if he was really her father especially with his maltreatment of both Philomena and her mother as well as being very eager to marry her off.

Philomena and her mother

Philomena’s mother (Rita Edochie) – an illiterate, crippled woman – was married off to Philomena’s father because of her being orphaned at a young age. Now for those who know Rita Edochie, you know she has a very literate accent so, I was not sold on the illiterate part. Even in her efforts to speak broken English, the broken bits were well pronounced. She was like the most well spoken illiterate I had ever seen. However on the crippled bit, she did it well, she didn’t even for a second make me think she could walk.

Philomena’s mother was mistreated by her husband (Philomena’s father) because she was unable to give him a male child which was the reason he refused to educate Philomena and decided it was best for him to marry a new wife. Unfortunately though, because of the fear of Philomena, his concubine refuses to move into his house as a second wife.

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Gladys after being beaten up by Iwuji

Philomena’s best friend, Gladys (Oma Nnadi) is married to an abusive man Iwuji, who thinks she is the reason for their childlessness because he thinks, she has a spirit husband. As for this sub-plot, before I point out the sheer stupidity of some parts in the Gladys-Iwuji storyline, I would like to commend the writer for making it relevant to the main plot because we get to understand why Iwuji and Gladys couldn’t have children and why even after Iwuji takes a second wife, all her pregnancies were miscarried.

Speaking of miscarriages,ย Ifeanyi Ogbonna and Sunday Chibuzor, what the hell were you thinking? A woman was suffering a miscarriage. Her skirt drenched in blood and she is unable to stand or walk but you in your supposedly very sane mind thought that the best thing for Iwuji to do, was to call a pastor to pray for that woman who was losing pints of blood. What did you think the pastor’s prayer was going to do? Seal her cervix to prevent further bleeding? Do you realise that would even lead to other severe complications as a result of internal bleeding or you still thought the prayer would make the dead foetus disappear? I can’t, I just can’t.

Another issue I had with this sub-plot was the stupid pastor (Prince Nwafor). If he was not giving subtle shades in the name of quoting the bible; he was giving stupid advice. A woman whose husband had beaten her black and blue with blood stains everywhere, comes to you to vent as well as inform you that she is divorcing him but you tell her she shouldn’t by assuring that her marriage is among one of the best. Are you fucking kidding me pastor? Best marriage? This woman limped like a one legged chicken to your church with cuts and bruises and swelling and all you could do was tell her to go back to her abuser to finish what he started all because a bible said “what God has joined together, let no man put asunder”. Pastor, take ya time oh.

Gladys ignored the pastor’s advice at first but some weeks or months later decidedย  to go back whilst accompanied by the pastor only to find a new woman and Iwuji yelling “go away, I don’t want you any more”. Mr. writer and director, you people need to stop sending the wrong subliminals to our young women; like wtf?

Philomena and Obele

On the issue of Philomena’s marriage, she had a plethora of suitors, the longest suffering being Obele (Rex Nosa) who had loved Philomena the longest and had been there for her and her family but sadly for him, Philomena had no interest in marrying him or anybody. He was pretty much brother-zonedย throughout the movie and I wasn’t happy that his character didn’t get any closure. All we know is that Obele saw Philomena with Abel, got jealous and decided to relocate to the city in search of greener pastures. We do not know what happened to him after that.

This movie is quite the long film and not the most enjoyable. It is something I would recommend you watch whilst doing house chores because even the ending was quite disappointing. There were some funny points in it but no memorable moments or quotes. It is not something I would watch again. A major problem was THE LACK OF TRANSLATIONS FOR NON-IGBO SPEAKERS. I think I need to start a petition because these directors think we watch a movie with the Federal Republic of Nigeria in our sitting rooms translating the languages we do not understand.

Cast

Queen Nwokoye as Philomena

Rita Edochie as Philomena’s mother

Chika Anyanwu as Philomena’s father

Oma Nnadi as Gladys

Rex Nosa as Obele

Prince Nwafor as Pastor

Walter Anga as Abel

Director

Ifeanyi Ogbonna

Written by

Sunday Chibuzor Eriobu


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