nigerian movie CROSSED LINES was about two a..holes married to each other 

This is a reaction, not a recap. So let’s get into it.

warning this post contains strong language and sexual references throughout_myopicconcaves

Too much time is being spent in this fruit shop.

Sonia Uche and Maurice Sam are acting as a married couple. However, oga is on the phone talking to one random girl who is telling him “I love you” 

Cast + Characters

Maurice Sam – Bob

Bob’s wife doesn’t trust him. 

I guess there is pestilence in paradise. 

Jesu! This useless side chick in transit called him back to tell him “i love you” again because Bob didn’t answer her when she told him the first time.

It’s the audacity for me.

Bob’s wife asked “who is she”

Bob replied “an old friend… she called to say hello”

May thunder free that your lying mouth Bob.

Mrs Bob just called Bob a cheat and a liar.

Get that motherfucker!

Mrs Bob said, “why didn’t you respond when she said ‘i love you’”

She heard the phone conversation.

But the he-goat that is Bob has put on his gaslighting mask.

Oga said, “are you actually accusing me of something?”

Yes! Motherfucker. Yes!

Mrs Bob said marrying Bob was the greatest mistake of her life.

She sounds toxic.

7 minutes into this film and I still don’t know the name of Sonia Uche’s character. Na BOBINA I go dey call her until further notice.

So Bobina has refused to cook dinner because of Bob’s call with his side chick in transit.

The next morning Bob made breakfast.

See as she rushed the food like a hungry lioness.

Longer throat.

They have settled—no more malice.

Did I just see Bobina in a car with a man?

Err ehn? So she is the cheat? No wonder she has trust issues.

Bob has seen Bobina in the car with her man-friend and she is hugging the guy.

Bob is pissed.

Bobina said the man was going through a heartbreak and she was trying to encourage him.

Oshey!!! Heartbreak specialist.

This dialogue made me howl! Too funny

Bob: you are shameless and without dignity

Bobina: I won't take that. I take an exception to that. What do you mean shameless and without dignity?

Bob: Babe, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. What I meant to say is that you are a shameless whore.

Ye!

What?!

These two hate each other. They need a divorce.

Moving on…

Bobina’s man-friend has come again to Bob and Bobina’s house to take her to the airport. They are going to a conference in Abuja together.

Outside preeq and married vageen about to link up.

Bob doesn’t want Bobina to go.

These two idiots don’t trust each other.

Bobina left regardless.

Her man-friend and Bob didn’t greet each other.

20 minutes into the movie we finally know Bobina’s name. Her name is Jenny.

Cast + Character update

Maurice Sam – Bob
Sonia Uche – Jenny

Bob just said that Jenny’s man-friend asked her out once upon a time.

No wonder Bob is so insecure about their closeness.

Jenny and her man-friend are in the same bedroom but practising social distancing.

Wait oh, their hotel no get common room or public area?

They are playing “see a picture I took of you sleeping in the conference” and man-friend is tapping current.

Cast + Character update II

Maurice Sam – Bob
Sonia Uche – Jenny
Victory Michael – Austin (i.e. man-friend)

Austin is looking at Jenny lustfully and Hanty say na “what?”

Be there saying “what”. It is from clap, it will enter dance.

Oh! All of that Jenny and Austin bedroom scene was Bob’s imagination. His mind is playing tricks on him.

Bob will soon die of Hypertension 

My guy just imagined Austin in a towel entering a bathroom to give Jenny pump action.

Bob has decided to call her.

How are you calling a wife you’re not on speaking terms with and you think she’ll answer? Is “Stupid” your name?

2 Weeks Later 

Jenny just returned.

Wait, the conference was for 2 weeks?!

Ain’t no way you only went for a conference.

Bob just asked Jenny if Austin was sweeter than him in bed.

Jenny smiled and mistakenly called Bob, “Austin”

Bob says the marriage is over and Jenny retorts with “its BEEN over” and that Bob should use the door.

Now they are fighting over who will be the first to pack their bags and leave.

We are hearing Jenny’s inner monologue. She is insecure about their childless situation 

And you cannot talk?! You can’t tell your husband? The two of you are busy fighting like two bush goats.

They invited their lawyer (Mr Ernest) to discuss divorce proceedings but the ITK has appointed himself their marriage counsellor.

None of them wants to pack out of the house because Jenny bought the land and Bob built the house.

Neither of them can claim sole ownership.

Bob just accused Jenny of trying to seduce Mr Ernest.

Ernest watched them cuss each other out shamelessly in front of him and he deduced 

“Both of you are in love”

Bia nwoke, are you mad?!

They are fighting again, this time on who gets to send the gateman (Barca) on an errand.

The gateman farts to get out of the situation and it works.

Jenny is trying to seduce Bob. It is working but bros chose to resist the urge to press nyash.

They are both horny but too proud to beg.

Jenny now calls Bob her neighbour.

Absolute fuckery

One thing I don’t get is why Austin never enters Bob and Jenny’s house to visit her properly.
It is always to ‘sit in his car’ and talk.
That is very shady.

God, these two are exhausting and suck at communicating.

Side Chick in transit is finally in town. She is Bob’s ex-girlfriend and she is very pretty. Her name is April.

Bob introduced Jenny to April as his neighbour and then took her to his bedroom.

Nah,

And they are touchy-feely?

Bob is a dickhead.

Jenny is stressing about Bob and April. She says she’s not good in bed and April looks like a sex kitten.

LOL

Jenny went to eavesdrop and she could hear April moaning.

Nah, fuck, Bob. He’s disgusting.

April has been living with Bob and Jenny for a bit now and she still doesn’t know that Jenny is Bob’s wife.

Don’t they have pictures in that house? This is bad storytelling.

The April actress has great skin: very smooth.

Oh shit is about to pop off

Austin has come to visit Jenny again, this time at night.

Why doesn’t he ever enter her house? Every time he will drag out to the roadside to “talk”

Jenny offers their guest room for Austin to stay in since he is quarrelling with his fiancee.

Bob is not happy and he finally confronts Austin.

Aww, Austin is a big teddy bear. He’s a nice guy who doesn’t want any trouble.

April is back.

So Bob, April, Austin and Jenny will all live under one roof. Trouble ohhhhh.

April and Austin know each other.

Austin was the guy April dumped Bob for and then Austin in turn dumped April to be with a rich lady. 

Well, that is according to April’s side of the story.

It must suck to be Bob. Forever losing his women to Austin

Oh, so a mutual friend of April and April lied to both of them that they were cheating on each other.

Wow, that’s sad.

Austin just told April that Bob and Jenny are a married couple and April is shocked.

Why are you shocked? Aren’t there pictures of them in that house?

Again with the bad storytelling.

April is the only sensible adult in that house. She somehow understands Austin, Bob and Jenny. She spoke to all of them in a way that diffused the tension.

Sensible chick that one.

Austin putting the moves on April.

I like them as a couple. Two sensible people together.

They just said “I love you” to each other

Damn, that was quick.

See his (Bob) mouth like “how was your day”

You cannot say sorry.

They’ve finally reconciled. 

Hallelujah! Their fights were boring, exhausting and repetitive.

Final Cast + Character update

Maurice Sam – Bob
Sonia Uche – Jenny
Victory Michael – Austin
Hammed Hammedah – April
Emmanuel Okechukwu – Barca 
Austine Onyemah – Barrister Ernest.

Final Thoughts 

Bob and Jenny need to get a divorce. They are two egotistical assholes who are unwilling to compromise. One day they’d probably kill each other. 

Written by

My name is Nkechi and I am your guinea pig. I watch movies and TV shows not a single person gives a damn about.

Sense or nah?

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